After mourning the loss of Lake & Michelle for several weeks, I was delighted that Team MoJo stepped in and delivered as the token dysfunctional couple. Although sad to see them go, I must admit the payoff of their postrace interview was as delightful as an after-dinner mint.
"Stepping onto the mat in last place, dating couple Joseph & Monica received the bad news from Phil that they had been eliminated from the Race. Through her tears, Monica remarked on her partner, "What I really took away from all this is how much he supported me. Joseph really is my rock and I could not have gotten through this without him." Joseph added, "Monica being there right by my side helps me go on. We’re definitely going to get married one day and have a family." Monica ended by noting, "We have each other when we get home and we have this Race to look back on for the rest of our lives. It’s such a beautiful gift." "
Were these guys watching the same race I was? You know the one where Monica has a never ending supply of saltwater gushing out of her head, and Joseph is screaming at her as soon as the first tear rolls down her cheek? He was so busy being her "rock" at the yield that they completely missed the fact that the timer was out of sand…I'd love to have them over for an evening of Boggle sometime. The only thing that brought them together the end was the fact that BJ & Tyler took over as the target of Joseph's rage. Monica does have a point though, were it not for Joseph kicking her ass across the globe, she wouldn't have survived the first leg. I think the scene where she's standing in the middle of the Thai market tearfully holding a wood plank with only 2 pots left on it sums her up in a single image. Or maybe it was that one where she was standing in the Italian market tearfully holding a giant fish? Ah…forget it. I'll just burn a copy of those pink hot-shorts into my memory and be done with it.
It appears that the Poon Hounds are going to walk away with the million in anti-climactic fashion. Too bad, because the last thing those guys need is one million dollars to fund another 5 years of beach volleyball and skirt chasing. I loved watching them making plays at the other teams' girlfriends, simply because there was nobody left for them to work on. Trolling for booty is so programmed into the core of their beings, they simply don't know how to turn it off. It's like being stuck in a horrible Vince Vaughn movie full-time with no way out.
Ray & Yolanda, I'm rooting for you…I hope it matters, but I'm afraid it doesn't.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Thursday, April 06, 2006
The Amazing Race Episodes 3-6
I finally took a short break to grind out the last three episodes of the Amazing Race on Tivo. Let's run through the highlights:
Most Ironic Moment - The Stinky Pinkies getting eliminated on a challenge that consists of putting together a puzzle of a naked man. This can’t be from lack of exposure…can it?
Most Horrific Visual – The rug-like shoulder hair on Barry. Stick with the sleeves, my man.
Worst Use of “MoJo” – How can a girl who looks like “Mo” not have at least 6 Italian guys climbing all over themselves looking to carry her fish around the marketplace (so to speak)? You’re a fantastic physical specimen in a country jam-packed with lotharios…work it girl!
Most Head-Scratching Exit Interview – The Stinky Pinkies claiming that at only age 22, the race has given them more experiences than most DD-cup bimbos their age. I guess most girls have to wait until their 30’s to take their bar hookup scene to Russia?
Luckiest Bastards - The Poon Hounds should be able to focus just enough to walk away with the million now that the Stinky Pinkies are gone. No more DDistractions.
Stupidest “Cool Guy” Phrase – When Poon Hound Jeremy calls Phil “Big Philly Style” at the checkpoint mat, it makes me want to reach into the TV and punch him in the mouth.
Best Relationship Dichotomy – Self-deprecating nerd Dave wiping a tear away from his eye confesses to Phil that he’s upset that he got caught up in the race and lost patience with Lori because he loves her more than anything. Compare that with “Jo” delivering the “WHAT DO YOU WANT” scream at “Mo” like a 10-year married vet. Looks like the “MoJo” t-shirts are back in the knapsacks for now. Poor Monica…all those fantastic looks and she’ll probably never have a guy treat her the way Dave treats Lori. Nerds rule!
Most Annoying Team – BJ & Tyler. They’ve got the names of Baywatch lifeguards, the look of “Jay & Silent Bob”, and the body language of rodeo clowns. But with careers like “Online Tutor” and “Filmmaker”, I have to believe these two are producing fetish porn in a rat-infested basement somewhere. Don’t ask me...it just fits.
Worst Fashion Statement – What in the world was up with that “Conan the Barbarian” leather chest thong Lake was wearing at the kayak polo event? And why did Michelle have a matching one? Did they just wrap a shoot in BJ & Tyler's basement?
Best Line In a Chick Flick – OK. This has nothing to do with the Amazing Race, but I have to throw it in. I saw “Failure to Laugh….er, Launch” last week. The movie was a complete waste, until Sarah Jessica Parker lays out a line that made me spit my Tab all over the two rows in front of me. She tells her slacker love interest, “You can either spend the rest of your life having fun. Or you can spend it with me.” Works on so many levels :)
Thursday, March 09, 2006
The Amazing Race 9 - Episode 2 (3/7)
Oh, the humanity! Glamazons, I hardly knew ye. Now I guess I'll never get to find out the answer to my burning question…"If the Glamazons were the last females left in the race, would the Poon Hounds resort to chasing them around?" My guess would be yes, but it might take a blood alcohol level north of .2. In the meantime, it sure is fun watching them mouth off like a couple of Spring Break rejects. I'll have to recalibrate my prediction on them winning the race since their cockiness and obvious Achilles' heel is sure to overtake their physical advantage in the grandest "Tortoise and the Hare" sense. They'd better figure out how to regain a little focus…if they lose that million, they've only got a "Survivor" audition standing between them and a life of shuttling spinach queso dip at the Don Pablo's.
I'm keeping a close eye on Lake, who looks like he's primed to explode once the straggling teams are gone…their bio on the CBS site lays out the recipe for disaster in three paragraphs:
Lake & Michelle are a close-knit married couple from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. They met as freshmen in college and have been married for 13 years.
Lake is a dentist who has limited traveling experience outside of the United States. While he describes himself as energetic and motivated, Michelle notes that he's your typical Type A personality, very impatient and always looking for ways to do it better.
Michelle is a stay-at-home mother of three who works part-time in Lake's office. She claims that she's much more laid back than her husband and hopes this won't cause friction between the two while taking part on THE AMAZING RACE. Michelle sees herself as being loyal, kind and loving and is running the Race to prove to herself and Lake that she's capable of accomplishing things.
At 36 she's just now trying to prove that she's capable of accomplishing things? Where's she been…in the arcade?
On a closing note, I also like the mother/daughter team where the daughter has a little Jessica Alba thing going on. The girl's smart to travel with her Mom…nothing will keep the 'ol Poon Hounds at bay like the visible threat of a potential mother-in-law (unless they think they can score with her too, of course…not sure I'd put that line of thinking past those two).
I'm keeping a close eye on Lake, who looks like he's primed to explode once the straggling teams are gone…their bio on the CBS site lays out the recipe for disaster in three paragraphs:
Lake & Michelle are a close-knit married couple from Hattiesburg, Mississippi. They met as freshmen in college and have been married for 13 years.
Lake is a dentist who has limited traveling experience outside of the United States. While he describes himself as energetic and motivated, Michelle notes that he's your typical Type A personality, very impatient and always looking for ways to do it better.
Michelle is a stay-at-home mother of three who works part-time in Lake's office. She claims that she's much more laid back than her husband and hopes this won't cause friction between the two while taking part on THE AMAZING RACE. Michelle sees herself as being loyal, kind and loving and is running the Race to prove to herself and Lake that she's capable of accomplishing things.
At 36 she's just now trying to prove that she's capable of accomplishing things? Where's she been…in the arcade?
On a closing note, I also like the mother/daughter team where the daughter has a little Jessica Alba thing going on. The girl's smart to travel with her Mom…nothing will keep the 'ol Poon Hounds at bay like the visible threat of a potential mother-in-law (unless they think they can score with her too, of course…not sure I'd put that line of thinking past those two).
The Amazing Race 9 - Episode 1 (2/28)
Greetings Amazing Race fans! Been awhile, so thought I'd take timeout from my busy day of sleeping through mass meetings and offer up some unsolicited observations on the new season.
So, I was reeled in by the "Glamazons"…partly because their name brought back wistful memories of the G.L.O.W. girls of the 80's (that’s "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling" for you highbrow types), and partly because they're still pulling out the ol' bedazzler in their mid-40's and thinking that it's "glamorous". I'm sure they're wowing 'em at the Safeway.
I'm delighted that the "lifelong friends" took an early bow. I definitely like my gays with a sinister streak (ie: Chip & Reichen or Joe & Bill). Also amusing were this year's rendition of the prom queens (whom I've affectionately dubbed the "stinky pinkies") and I look forward to watching them get chased around by the jobless 2% body fat frat boy poon hounds (and future race champions).
And where to begin with "Mo Jo". I knew there was a 0% chance they were married when I saw him actually wearing that t-shirt she made for him…you know, the one where she taped "Team Mo Jo" on the front with "Jo" on the back with blue masking tape. If that was all that was in my backpack, it's a lock you'd see me running around Buenos Aires shirtless for the next hour. But the most priceless moment was when Jo looked at Mo and said "Are you seriously going to start crying now?" Bad news for Jo, but good news for Moi…the magic is back!
Oh, and one final blast from the AR past. This morning on CBS they had Boston Rob and Amber do a needless segment where they babysit for a couple that hasn't been on a date in like 8 years. They load up the kids with pizza and soda and get them all wound up so they're literally bouncing off the walls by bedtime…at which point, Rob smirks at the camera and says "That's the beauty of it, pretty soon the parents will be home and we won't have to deal with it." I think I speak for all parents when I say, "Thanks...jackass". Ah well, he left it with "Amber and I want kids eventually, but right now we're just enjoying being newlyweds." Tick-tock ;)
So, I was reeled in by the "Glamazons"…partly because their name brought back wistful memories of the G.L.O.W. girls of the 80's (that’s "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling" for you highbrow types), and partly because they're still pulling out the ol' bedazzler in their mid-40's and thinking that it's "glamorous". I'm sure they're wowing 'em at the Safeway.
I'm delighted that the "lifelong friends" took an early bow. I definitely like my gays with a sinister streak (ie: Chip & Reichen or Joe & Bill). Also amusing were this year's rendition of the prom queens (whom I've affectionately dubbed the "stinky pinkies") and I look forward to watching them get chased around by the jobless 2% body fat frat boy poon hounds (and future race champions).
And where to begin with "Mo Jo". I knew there was a 0% chance they were married when I saw him actually wearing that t-shirt she made for him…you know, the one where she taped "Team Mo Jo" on the front with "Jo" on the back with blue masking tape. If that was all that was in my backpack, it's a lock you'd see me running around Buenos Aires shirtless for the next hour. But the most priceless moment was when Jo looked at Mo and said "Are you seriously going to start crying now?" Bad news for Jo, but good news for Moi…the magic is back!
Oh, and one final blast from the AR past. This morning on CBS they had Boston Rob and Amber do a needless segment where they babysit for a couple that hasn't been on a date in like 8 years. They load up the kids with pizza and soda and get them all wound up so they're literally bouncing off the walls by bedtime…at which point, Rob smirks at the camera and says "That's the beauty of it, pretty soon the parents will be home and we won't have to deal with it." I think I speak for all parents when I say, "Thanks...jackass". Ah well, he left it with "Amber and I want kids eventually, but right now we're just enjoying being newlyweds." Tick-tock ;)
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