Cheerleaders - This usually holds some kind of credibility that dissipates shortly after college graduation and completely vanishes by 30, when nobody cares anymore and it just sounds like desparate clutching at former beauty.
Strippers - Like the cheerleaders only without the interested parents.
NFL Cheerleaders - This title follows you around a little longer and may even land you on a lower-tier reality show, simply because the NFL brand has become synonymous with eliteness. The league has somehow transformed the cheerleading concept into the closest thing you can have to an outdoor strip club. I watched the "NFL Cheerleader Playoffs" on the NFL Network at the recommendation of one T. Gallagher. The best thing about it is how these girls have swallowed the simple tagline the NFL uses in order to get them to stand around all Sunday in their underwear for $50 a game. It's called "representing the organization", and you'll hear that line about a dozen times from each girl as they rollerskate an obstacle course in hotpants and a tube top. I'm sure the Chargers couldn't be prouder.
Beauty Pageant Contestants - More street cred than an NFL cheerleader, since there's only one per state. Stand one of these next to 49 others though, and they lose some of that shazam factor.
Model - This is where you're actually getting paid to be hot, which takes you to the next level.
Playboy Model - This usually carries more notoriety than a nameless fashion model. You become forever introduced as "former Playmate so-and-so" on Entertainment Tonight, but it also puts you on track to cap out as a B-list actress or a celebrity girlfriend.
Country Singer - You're hot, and have a visible talent. You make records, but nobody listens to them. Still...you're hot.
Supermodel - The general idea being that a supermodel has so much more to offer than a regular model. Although this seems to be farther and farther fetched every time the words "Supermodel Tyra Banks" comes out of somebody's mouth.
Pop Singer - Same as the country singer, only with a fan base. Also has a tendency to be more of a trainwreck in terms of personal life as your suitors tend to come from the Kevin Federline/Nick Lachey/Wilmer Valderrama bin.
Star of TV Show - Note: This is a sliding scale based on the popularity of the show. It also helps if you have ugly (or all male) co-stars, so you're not lost in a sea of beauty.
Movie Star - When an army of people dedicate their lives to photographing you on your way to pilates class, you know it's all about you.
Model/Movie Star/Pop Singer - The rare triple threat...looks, voice, and the ability to read lines without looking directly at the camera. But now, like Alexander, you must weep...for there are no more lands for you to conquer. Might as well just go get drunk 6 nights a week.
