Amazing Race 10 Episodes 1 & 2

Who to love most? Who to love most?

The Ivy league guys who look like Evan Wang on steroids? I did enjoy the moment where they couldn't remember that they're not Chinese...do they all start looking the same to themselves at some point too?

The gay boyfriends who are seen in the opening credits eating waffle cones from the Coldstone after a long day of window shopping? Is there anything better than their checkpoint dances?

The male models...this year's version being ex-junkies who were able to turn their lives around? Which I assume means stop smoking crack long enough to sit still and look fabulous while someone takes pictures? Oh well, at least they've got somebody to fill the requisite shirtless basketball game in the opening credits.

The "Miss-Whatevers" beauty contestants, who you can't tell apart without the sashes? They should definitely have worn them, because it would save them all the work they have to do reminding everyone that they were former Miss-USA contestants. The funniest thing about these two? They're telling us they're on the show to bust all the myths about beauty queens being just a pretty face. Is that like the team of Miss-USA contestants I just saw on "Treasure Hunters" that kept spewing that same mantra on every episode? Will someone please explain to me why being in a beauty pageant leads to such colossal esteem issues that you feel the need to constantly prove that you're more than a great pair of asscheeks? Never mind...now that I'm writing that down I don't think I really want to understand it after all...

The ballistic dating couple (Rob & Kimberly) who love their relationship 99.9% of the time? Is there anyone happier than me that we'll get to see that other 0.1% of their relationship in full display for the next few weeks? I had to rewind the tivo 3 times to watch Kimberly get clotheslined off of her horse in Mongolia (I verified that there was only one tree in the entire forest that was leaning over and she managed to guide her horse directly under it at ramming speed) and see Rob rushing to her rescue....Rob? Rob? Yeah, dude...that's her. The red jacket laying on the forest floor not moving. And if you want to understand why it looks like he's always a step behind in the race, take a look at his career: California real estate student! Way to stay in front of a trend, buddy...

The "Everyday Islams" who are just like you and me, except for the threatening looks and the constant "Allah this" and "Allah that"? Their shining moment came when they couldn't shake the cheerleaders' hands because Islam forbids touching a woman (unless you're kidnapping her, I suppose). But the best had to be they were notified of their unexpected elimination when the guy on the right gives Phil a look like he was already plotting his beheading video in his mind, but then snaps out of it and is all, "oh man, them's the breaks!"

The cheerleaders who are desperate to find a relevant use for cheerleading powers to win the Amazing Race? Super-cheerleader balance to help you do tai-chi? Leg lift practice to help you scale the Great Wall of China? But now that they're eliminated, they'll finally find a use for all of their "skills"...cheering all the other teams on to victory from the sidelines!

No, my favorite is Peter and Sarah, hands down. I love the fact that he's making her all kinds of robot legs and she's still all like, "I don't know if he's the guy for me". I also love the fact that she's a motiviational speaker, but at every challenge when things get rough, she has to go through a 30 minute routine of tears and "I can't do it" before she finally steps up. But mostly, as I watch her trying to run with that captain hook foot, I started wondering aloud (to the horror of everyone on the couch), "if he's making her legs, why didn't he go a little more Inspector Gadget with it?" You know, like hook up a Segue for rolling around Beijing, or a suction-cup leg for climbing the Great Wall of China.

But I kid because I love...she's accomplished more with one leg than I'll likely accomplish with two.